Brower Propulsion Laboratory



BROWER PROPULSION LABORATORY SALES AND DISTRIBUTION NODE
Custom Mission Patch. The official BPL-003 Moranic Mission To Montana emblem. Features 'arrowhead' motif with cute pest rodent handling collection equipment, in true space mission design tradition. Moranic Mission To Montana Insignia $20.00

Cute yet moribund figurines depicting the BPL-003 Mission Logo and mascots arranged in a vaguely offensive 'totem pole', to commemorate The Moranic Mission to Montana. BPL-003 Mission Page Collectibles-Figurines $35.00

Awesome model of the MUNIN (Module for Unmanned Investigation and Notation) spacecraft deployed in the BPL-003 Moranic Mission to Montana. These models are hand crafted by BPL's in-house 'professional' model department, and come complete with 'Arrowhead' motif base and wordy 'information' card. Their inertia and fragility are guaranteed. BPL-003 Mission Page MUNIN Desktop Model $120.00

Awesome model of the LIMPER (Limited Intelligence Marginally Produced Exploration Rover) spacecraft deployed in the BPL-003 Moranic Mission to Montana. These models are hand crafted by BPL's in-house 'professional' model department, and come complete with 'Arrowhead' motif base and wordy 'information' card. Their inertia and fragility are guaranteed. BPL-003 Mission Page LIMPER Desktop Model $120.00

Model of the ICARUS (Intentionally Cheap Airborne Reusable Utility System) spacecraft deployed in the BPL-003 Moranic Mission to Montana. These models are hand crafted by BPL's in-house 'professional' model department and come complete with 'arrowhead' motif base and wordy 'information' card. Their inertia and fragility are guaranteed. BPL-003 Mission Page ICARUS Desktop Model $120.00

BPL will send you two (2) $.44 Custom Made U.S. postage stamps, good for first class mail, or repairing torn memos. These things are emblazoned with one of BPL's catchy mottoes such as Postage $4.00

BPL contribution: funds to be squandered on BPL's latest mission, and to feed starving corporate executives. Contributions will be rewarded with a printable certificate sent to your email address. Contribution $5.00

A Drawing $5.00

Annual Corporate Report, Bound: A compendium of the past BPL Fiscal Year. Memos, Procedures Documents, Mission Reports, and other printed matter, encased in typical BPL bureaucratic binding, and personally signed by every employee of the company; indisputable evidence of pride and commitment to quantity so rarely found in contemporary Corporate America. Compendium of BPL Internal Documents $125.00

SUBSCRIPTION TO BPL MISSION REPORTS ON CUSTOM USB FLASH DRIVE: So you hate paper. We'll put all of BPL's past year's documents and some extra photos and a few special items on a custom thumb drive, which claims to be totally green in its manufacture and carbon usage! Think of all the paper you will be saving! And all the electricity you can waste! The real advantage here is you can erase all that stuff if you want and use the drive for your own memos- and BPL will be able to use the paper for insulating spacecraft or something! Compendium of BPL Internal Documents, Paperless $130.00

The Test Debriefing and Mission Description for BPL-001, which involved depositing the remains of Conrad Carpenter in the Troposphere above Wales via Nanosatellite. Click here for more information. BPL-001 Mission Report, Bound $25.00

Experimental Outsourcing Mission to China (BPL-002) Report, Bound, $25.00. This report covers a mission which outsourced BPL's entire labor force for the purposes of making a product in China that is simultaneously American Made. See how we did it in this beautifully rendered official bound 10-page document. BPL-002, Experimental Outsourcing Mission To China $25.00

A 2007 document issued to introduce the Limited Intelligence Marginally Produced Exploration Rover to BPL customers. Production and testing scenarios are outlined and a rare 'bill of ingredients' appears at the end. This document has been updated to include more of the hapless Rover's development and the continuing 'Search For Life On Earth (S-FLOE). LIMPER Mission Press Kit $15.00

The BPL Sales And Distribution Node (SADN) has a stockpile of Memos produced by a variety of Company departments, e.g. the Aleatory Department, the Department of Cautious Pessimism, the Department of Optimism and Interpretation, the Department of Ephemera, and so on. One could peruse these memos at the Memo Portal, and download them for free. The documents we are offering are official historical objects, signed, stamped, catalogued, invoiced, outvoiced, entered, noted, acknowledged, re- and disre- garded, and otherwise marked up with arcane corporate semaphore. Each Memo is carefully checked for accuracy, although the accuracy is not. BPL Internal Memoranda $10.00

Brower Propulsion Laboratory Official Stock Certificate: The Value of BPL Stock will never go down! Unencumbered by the legal strictures of incorporation or adherence to any laws of governance, save for its own, BPL shares represent an unvarnished view of the health of the company. In essence, you get what you pay for, an unprecedented phenomenon in American investment. Because of this innovation, just one of many to BPL's credit, Company profits will always increase, and investor risk never will. This worry - free kind of investment may indeed someday become the standard by which all American companies are judged. BPL stock $20.00

Tourist painting, China style. Paintings generated by our outsourcing mission to China (BPL-002) have been pretty much sold out. Speaking of that, we would be happy to make you a 'fake' one, by having the same artist make another version of the original Chinese-Manufactured-American-Made imported art-sketches. Given that these potential new items are knock offs, the price per unit will be higher because the inentionality of the original project will be even more manifest than in the originals. And speaking of that, see more of them and get information on the mission at the mission page. Touristic Art Trinkets (TAT) $200.00

BPL's latest batch of hand made, mission-oriented, touristic renditions of targeted landing and experiment locations, executed in archaic art materials, and using our own Art Application System, offered as pre-relic anticipatory memorabilia related to the BPL-003 Moranic Mission to Montana. Each painting comes with novel filth barricades and authenticating documentation. Montana Scout Paintings $180.00

Brower Propulsion Laboratory recycled mug. Our logo cleverly sandblasted over, and indeed, into, some other corporation's promotional item. We are considering calling this gesture 'pre-purposing', as we are doing the same thing with the same object, only more so. Recycled mugs $20.00

BPL Company Issue Pocket Protector: A floppy vinyl sleeve with the BPL logo. Good for pens and testing friendships. Logo burned by custom device fabricated in our Electrospeculation Facility. Pocket Protector $20.00

Brower Propulsion Laboratory re- or pre-cycled t-shirt. Design, color and stains vary. We could even produce a brand new one for American Conformists. You get the BPL logo, with one of our popular slogans, such as 'ITS THE THOUGHT THAT COUNTS', 'THE WRONG STUFF', 'IT'S NOT ROCKET SCIENCE', 'FAILURE IS AN OPTION', or 'GOING NOW HERE FAST'. XL, White in stock, but we could be persuaded to generate one that is more aesthetically appealing, within reason. Indicate any preferences in the 'notes' section when you check out. Apparel $25.00

AAS (Art Application System) with bound documentation. This unique watercolor box is the actual prototype used to create the Touristic Art Trinkets (TATs) during BPL-002 Outsourcing Mission to China. It is offered here in anticipation of a limited production run, but in the meantime is still being used to generate TATs and Scout Paintings (We only have need for one around the lab). AAS $1,200.00

Developed along with other geology tools used by Conrad Carpenter, Underemployed Astronaut, before his demise. This is an accurate duplicate of the hammers used on the moon during later Apollo missions. They even weigh about the same. Hand machined by BPL's 1st Chair Mill Operator from aluminum. Comes with 'certificate of authenticity' and other official looking information. Lunar Geology Hammer $1,200.00

BPL is developing stereo cameras for imaging the Yellowstone environment during the -003 Moranic Mission to Montana. Five Commemorative cards bearing genuine spacecraft-observed phenomena and testing imagery arranged in stereo pairs will accompany our custom stereo viewer. The viewer even works with an iphone! Stereo imagery $70.00

BPL is developing stereo cameras for imaging the Yellowstone environment during the -003 Moranic Mission to Montana. We are producing several sets of 5 Photogram cards each, at intervals during mission operations. These stereo cards, printed on sturdy inert material, depict genuine spacecraft-observed phenomena and development highlights. They are made exclusively for use in our Viewer (#03-SV003). BPL is offering a year's subscription to the photo collections, which means you will receive all the stereo photos taken during a year's worth of operations. Since our viewer also works with an iphone, you may opt to receive these images electronically, to conserve paper waste and to waste electricity. Stereo Photogram Card Subscription $100.00

Surplus busts of Carl Sagan generated by our Mystico-generative Office. These colorful effigies come in a variety of plastic and air bubble combinations and can be made into doorknobs, lamps, noserings, and marital aids (external use only). Carl Sagan $30.00

You won't find these things anywhere else- During development of the BPL Metaliturgical Department, sand mold tests were conducted using the Lunar Overshoe from Conrad Carpenter's A7LB Space suit! You get an aluminum casting of the imprint left from the boot. Each of these is unique and bears the unmistakable characteristics of those footprints you see in the pictures from the moon in the 1960's and '70's. The boot was part of BPL's completely hand made Lunar Space Suit project. The aluminum is from actual defunct BPL equipment and manufacturing detritus, pulled from our immense pile of mistakes and miscalculations, and melted down in our Provisional Foundry. Image from 'proof of concept' model. BPL RECYCLED ALUMINUM BOOTPRINT $130.00

LIMPER (Limited Intelligence Marginally Produced Exploration Rover) Breadboard Prototype, BPL Serial # 03-S003-01. This is the original testing specimen for the LIMPER project to Cheaply Search for Life On Earth (C-SLOE). While still awesome, some of the expensive or broken equipment has been removed or cannibalized from the unit for other aerospace projects, which makes it totally 'green' due to recycling and de-toxifying. Price includes Vitrine and Limper Mission Press Kit. $1,000.00 s/h. Rover $9,000.00

Surplus Equipment: Lunar Excursion Module, Ascent Stage. An early BPL exercise in profligate spending and documents tunneling, this exact replica of the vehicle that ferried astronauts to the moon and back to orbit now hangs at the Museum of Flight, in Seattle Washington. Gene Cernan, the last man to walk on the moon called it 'great,'. Read more about it and see images here. $75,000.00. $9,000.00 s/h LEM $84,000.00

Early BPL Research Project Result. Made between 1999 and 2007, this hand made replica of an Apollo era space suit was worn by the fictitious astronaut-handyman, Conrad Carpenter, until his unfortunate demise (while still wearing it) during the repair of a well. Read more about the suithere, and find out about the astronaut here Conrad Carpenter's Apollo A7LB Space Suit $15,000.00

BPL-003 Mission | Intangibles | Reports and Memos | Objects |

Intangibles: Drawing

A "raffle" will be held during the BPL-003 mission after operations have begun in Montana. The pre-determined "winner" will get the dubious honor of launching the ICARUS High Altitude Vehicle Element (IHAVE) from the deck of the MUNIN lander, via the Interweb. Any purchase made between January and August, 2010 automatically enters you, whether you want it or not, into the contest. In the interests of avoiding any legal entanglements associated with 'games of chance', we have decided to eliminate the element of chance altogether. So what you get for your money is the good feeling that you are playing a vital role in the mission, and BPL will send you this artistic keepsake 'ticket'.
ICARUS hardware
Unit Cost: $5.00
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"The AAS is a great value to us."
Steve Capman
Art Coordinator
ESA

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